Sudden.

What in the world am I doing with my life?

There's not a semblance of planning to it, at all. I definitely did not imagined myself in this position, a couple years back. Studying something I'm barely interested in, having no secure plans for the future. And to top it all off, nothing seems to be working out for me. Relationships, money, career and all the usual crap people worry over incessantly. Early life crisis, much?

I should have given it more thought. It's my own life, after all. Who else is there but me to dwell upon it myself, on my own with no one to help. But no matter how rash or bold this decision, it was made. In the past. I'll have to live with it even though I don't want to. There's really not a single cell in my entire being that wants to continue this farce but I have to do because I have made that choice. The boat has sailed, in a way.

It sounds brave and shit but it's just plain foolishness that got me into this mess in the first place. I'll have to figure out how to make it a beautiful mess, if possible at all. Though now, everything seems bleak and faraway. They say to make do with what you've got, but when you're really there, where all the making do happens, there's just no way anyone would know what to do. Not me, not ever.

I'll just go with the flow and play along for now. Besides, what else is there for me to do? What can I do?